Blind Sighted

You may wonder what the topic is all about. I'll tell you what, it's the title of a book, a fiction, of which I highly appreciates the author's work. The whole story is cruel yet reveals the naked reality, that people who are considered as freaks and become "invisible man" DO exist on this planet. Mr. Peter Moore, the author of this book, is one of the minority that is willing to speak out for them, that how much pain it caused to them. In the story, Kirk, the protagonist, has a totally different mind with all other people and the teachers as well as his mom don't understand him, which is why he didn't get any companions until when he was downgraded to the worst class in that form and met Glenn, and her girl Donna. In spite of the whole world appearing to be critizing them, that they never stop freaking out and are without personality, Kirk has a good saying, which I think is can't be more cool, i.e. "When people think you're a freak, there's absolutely no need to be pissed, coz' you're just AHEAD OF TIME. (sth like that)" Cool, right?

Well I'm not going to drop the whole rundown of the plot here, or no one'll be motivated to ever read it! ^^

Well, got the last test tomorrow - Computer. God bless me, and all of my friends, and enemies~ :P

Cheers,

Kelvin

Self Confidence & Toronto

Two more days and the Mock exam is over. Yeah, it's OVER indeed, and I am proved to be completely down and out. I still remember that there's one question in the United World College Application Form asking for a three-word description of thyself, and if I could answer again, I would write "Lazy, Stupid and hopelessly Lack-of-self-confidence". Whatsoever can be worse than the mix up of all three of the factors? Nothing.

I did a bad job in most of the subjects in the Mock, yet I kept playing Computer games until I felt sleepy and went to bed. Despite the guilt I felt every night before I fell asleep, I started doing the same evil damn thing every afternoon. Whenenevr I chat with Minnie and found out that she's working hard, I couldn't help but to question myself, that even such a clever girl (Minnie is the most intelligent girl I've ever seen, which is why she's so special to me) have to study, how come I can be as lazy as a shit, being a potato chip and do nothing. I am always clear in my mind that if I go on like this, I am not going to make it, I'm not. I am going to kill myself with my own hands. In primary times, the teachers told us that suicide beings us to hell, and heaven would no longer be a place for us for ever.

I want to change my life. I used to be hardworking. I don't want and won't let my life be overwhelmed by silly things like playing computer games. I am going to study hard, learn hard, and shoot my very best in every extent. I believe that all these (silly behaviour) started to take place since my mom ceases her whip hand over me and let me decide my own fate.

If I ruin my CE, my life, then I am showing mom that I can't control myself and that I have to hand back mom the remote control to regulate my life. I am not going to let this happen again, starting from today, this minute, this second.


I am not giong to disappoint my mom, Mr Lee(my class teacher), my competitor, Minnie, and myself.




I have to be the Kelvin I used to be in primary times, when I came first three in the class and was often happy.

BTW, I am giong to study in Toronto afer the HKCEE, the school name to be decided. I'm sure that I will miss many people here, including Scott, Nathan, Minnie, mom (maybe), Janet, Mr Lee, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, ,Minnie and Minnie. :P



Cheers,

Kelvin

The night before English Mock Exam

As what is suggested in the heading, I am writing this entry solely for practising my writing skills, in the night before the English Mock Exam. I can't be so confident as when I was in Form 3 or so because the lack of practice pull me farther away from an A in the CE. I am clear that I don't stand a chance of obtaining an A with my current level. Which is why I am now writing about what happened today as a pre-Mock.

I would like to start with the thought that it's getting harder and harder for me to get along with girls thesedays. Being as quiet and invisible as I could achieved in the class, I barely talk to a girl once a day. I can't give an exact reason, yet I don't feel like using up my energy on some of the girls. For the rest of the few girls, I can't help but flinch in front of them, which I know the reason but am not willing to disclose it. It's possible for me to believe that few more years and I will become completely isolated from "girls". Many of them don't believe that though when I told them about that. They always believe that it's how I open a conversation. Sigh!

Worse still, it's not long before that I discovered I can't recite new things, no matter it's Chinese paragraph or English Vocabulary. I am worried about that. Hope that my memory can recover before CE, so that I don't need to study in Canada.

Cheers,
Kelvin

Men's Digest

(Copied from my mate's xanga :P)

遺 　 憾
太 多 男 子 只 能 做 一 個 男 朋 友 ， 不 可 以 做 一 個 情 人 。 男 朋 友 令 人 歡 喜 ， 但 情 人 卻 叫 人 怨 恨 。 男 人 總 以 為 ： 只 要 記 住 她 的 生 日 ， 在 她 面 前 扮 Bear Bear ， 過 節 依 時 與 她 回 到 她 父 母 家 吃 飯 ， 就 算 是 盡 了 男 朋 友 之 責 。 但 他 們 永 遠 不 知 道 ， 情 感 的 長 空 ， 其 實 天 外 有 天 。
不 錯 ， 男 朋 友 是 一 種 功 能 ， 但 僅 止 於 此 。 男 朋 友 是 卡 拉 OK ， 情 人 是 一 齣 Opera ， 但 是 ， 當 眼 前 這 個 擠 眉 弄 眼 的 男 生 ， 天 生 的 料 子 只 是 一 副 日 本 新 力 招 牌 、 在 東 莞 加 工 出 廠 的 鐳 射 機 ， 他 怎 會 明 白 ： 唱 歌 的 藝 術 ， 不 靠 音 響 高 科 技 ， 也 不 靠 咪 高 ， 不 要 貴 賓 房 ， 也 不 靠 螢 幕 上 淺 水 灣 天 后 像 前 海 灘 上 含 情 脈 脈 的 一 對 商 業 模 特 兒 的 表 情 ， 而 是 要 成 為 帕 伐 洛 堤 ， 只 需 要 一 腔 雲 海 澎 湃 的 肺 腑 ？
但 男 朋 友 的 悲 哀 ， 正 是 他 以 為 只 要 提 供 了 這 一 切 音 響 高 科 技 的 聲 色 平 台 ， 他 就 是 一 位 歌 唱 家 。 「 你 還 不 滿 意 我 ？ 好 ， 」 他 閉 目 起 誓 ， 伸 出 三 隻 手 指 ， 學 黃 霑 的 調 皮 腔 ： 「 我 由 今 天 起 發 誓 ， 一 生 一 世 只 愛 Shirley 你 一 個 ， 我 會 努 力 搵 錢 ， 賺 夠 了 就 在 貝 沙 灣 買 樓 ， 房 契 只 寫 下 你 的 名 字 ， 然 後 拉 埋 天 窗 ， 生 半 打 仔 女 ， 做 一 個 好 老 公 。 」


在 一 眾 酒 肉 朋 友 的 哄 笑 ， 他 也 強 忍 住 笑 。 你 輕 撫 他 的 臉 ， 那 一 夜 ， 原 諒 了 他 。 「 你 唔 再 嬲 我 啦 ？ 你 原 諒 我 了 ？ 好 ！ 」 他 手 舞 足 蹈 ， 又 學 少 林 足 球 的 周 星 馳 。 你 只 能 暗 嘆 一 口 氣 ： 那 麼 不 成 氣 候 的 男 仔 ， 他 偏 不 是 甚 麼 大 奸 巨 惡 ， 除 了 原 諒 ， 你 又 能 做 甚 麼 ？
怎 樣 才 能 令 他 明 白 ， 他 剛 才 那 一 段 自 以 為 風 趣 的 獨 白 ， 其 實 只 像 卡 拉 OK 螢 幕 上 那 一 行 跟 隨 樂 曲 而 閃 抹 紅 色 綠 色 的 歌 詞 ？ 他 何 時 才 知 道 ： 一 個 聰 慧 的 女 人 ， 需 要 的 不 是 一 百 首 流 行 曲 詞 ， 而 是 一 首 李 商 隱 的 唐 詩 ？
但 是 他 在 殖 民 地 受 教 育 ， 在 銅 鑼 灣 的 大 丸 崇 光 之 間 長 大 ， 他 唸 名 校 ， 但 嗜 好 僅 限 於 王 晶 的 電 影 和 Nike 波 鞋 。 身 為 男 朋 友 ， 他 已 經 在 你 面 前 盡 力 做 到 最 好 ， 但 對 他 ， 往 往 只 令 人 沉 默 ， 有 一 點 唏 噓 ， 然 後 逼 使 人 轉 看 窗 外 的 一 片 藍 天 。
「 你 還 恨 我 嗎 ？ 」 他 還 怯 怯 地 問 。 恨 他 ？ 他 值 得 嗎 ？ 他 只 是 一 位 叫 人 看 癟 的 小 男 孩 。 此 刻 你 只 是 渴 求 擁 有 一 個 情 人 ， 不 要 像 他 那 種 時 時 叫 人 啼 笑 皆 非 的 逗 笑 ； 寧 願 叫 人 刻 骨 銘 心 地 痛 恨 ， 因 為 你 已 經 二 十 八 歲 ， 對 於 感 情 ， 你 早 就 脫 離 了 王 晶 的 層 次 ， 而 開 始 欣 賞 黑 澤 明 。
不 介 意 忍 受 怨 恨 的 煎 熬 ， 只 要 能 讓 人 火 浴 一 樣 地 深 愛 一 次 ， 做 到 這 樣 要 求 的 ， 是 一 個 情 人 ， 不 是 一 個 男 朋 友 。 他 怎 樣 才 明 白 ， 你 永 遠 不 會 在 床 上 ， 含 淚 水 ， 在 他 的 肩 背 恨 恨 地 留 下 一 個 齒 痕 的 印 記 ， 因 為 他 不 配 ， 他 是 男 朋 友 ， 他 很 稱 職 ， 但 他 不 是 你 的 情 人 。




陶傑

Well, I don't feel like writing a post today , which is why I simply copy from a friend's xanga.

Kelvin

Practice makes Perfect

Here comes an entry which is going to be written by free will, i.e. whatever I can think of I'm going to type it out, without the slightest care about the structures or the grammar. (I'm sick of it for Kristina's sake!) Although there's nothing special happened today that worth joting down, yet as what Kristina said, I need more practice and, in fact I can feel the need as well. My English is getting poorer and poorer thesedays. And it happened just when the HKCEE is never closer. I'd like to talk about my last composition written during Eng lessen at school. Basically I failed. I couldn't finish, which was rare for me since primary times. I could attribute this complete failure to my mates' disturbance. They kept asking difficult questions, of which I scratched my head and still no answer had come out of it. I was quite sure that they had implicite faith on my Engish knowledge, while I sucks. It's how time flies without a trace. Finally I wrote 300 words or so, yet not knowing what I was trying to tell the readers at the end. I was "Lost", just like the popular drama. When I realised this, the next thing I heard was my English teacher's voice telling us to "drop our weapons and surrender, then meet fate." It felt as if she was saying, "Face it, Kelvin. You're dead." Gasp!

Next, my mom. From the moment I was born my mom had the whip hand over me. There're a lot of times she gives "orders" that I can't comprehend. And so I asked. She just insists on it everytime she can't give me a reason. It gets me sick. I always wonder if she asks me not to do something of her own will. I'm not trying to question your "truth", but to understand it so that you don't have to repeat it anymore in the future. She couldn't, she couldn't give me an answer. Beging a science student, I hate this. SO what's all that about huh? You want me to follow what u say without a logical reason like a doggie?

Maybe I'm not mature enough to understand her "orders", and I wish either of us can have changes someday, so that peace can exist at our home.