Self Confidence & Toronto

Two more days and the Mock exam is over. Yeah, it's OVER indeed, and I am proved to be completely down and out. I still remember that there's one question in the United World College Application Form asking for a three-word description of thyself, and if I could answer again, I would write "Lazy, Stupid and hopelessly Lack-of-self-confidence". Whatsoever can be worse than the mix up of all three of the factors? Nothing.

I did a bad job in most of the subjects in the Mock, yet I kept playing Computer games until I felt sleepy and went to bed. Despite the guilt I felt every night before I fell asleep, I started doing the same evil damn thing every afternoon. Whenenevr I chat with Minnie and found out that she's working hard, I couldn't help but to question myself, that even such a clever girl (Minnie is the most intelligent girl I've ever seen, which is why she's so special to me) have to study, how come I can be as lazy as a shit, being a potato chip and do nothing. I am always clear in my mind that if I go on like this, I am not going to make it, I'm not. I am going to kill myself with my own hands. In primary times, the teachers told us that suicide beings us to hell, and heaven would no longer be a place for us for ever.

I want to change my life. I used to be hardworking. I don't want and won't let my life be overwhelmed by silly things like playing computer games. I am going to study hard, learn hard, and shoot my very best in every extent. I believe that all these (silly behaviour) started to take place since my mom ceases her whip hand over me and let me decide my own fate.

If I ruin my CE, my life, then I am showing mom that I can't control myself and that I have to hand back mom the remote control to regulate my life. I am not going to let this happen again, starting from today, this minute, this second.


I am not giong to disappoint my mom, Mr Lee(my class teacher), my competitor, Minnie, and myself.




I have to be the Kelvin I used to be in primary times, when I came first three in the class and was often happy.

BTW, I am giong to study in Toronto afer the HKCEE, the school name to be decided. I'm sure that I will miss many people here, including Scott, Nathan, Minnie, mom (maybe), Janet, Mr Lee, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, ,Minnie and Minnie. :P



Cheers,

Kelvin