Self -control , and the Truth

I'm going to leave merely a short paragraph coz' dun reli feel like typing posts, yet wanna look for a place to express what I am thinking right now, which is why I'm here anyhow.

In primary six, when my mum finally started to let go of me to make my own decisions in a variety of things, the first thing came up my mind was that, "Aha. So mom finally reaalises I have grown up, and ain't a baby anymore." Filled with satisfaction towards my mom's let go a bit, I thought that real fun of life was waiting for me to catch, at the expense of nothing. So naive was I, that I didn't know that everything, but everything has two sides, which means from that time on I had to learn to control my own behaviour.

I didn't know that I'm that fragile towards temptations.

By computer games,..., and all that u can think of. (Maybe a little bit exaggerating :P)

Everyday I was back home from school, I was challenged by a barrage of temptations surrounding me non-stoppedly until when mom came home - I understood I couldn't possibly do anything "wrong" in front of her, which is why it's the only time I felt peace once again since I obtained that "freedom" I had looked for for years. Now that I knew it's not all that Yummy~

And this situation continues, believe it or not, until now!!! Dammit.

For God's sake I'm still in an "ok" standard, but I am clear that I COULD be better. I was not that noob, I know I'm not.

Somehow it makes me think of God again, just now, when I am typing this post.

I remembered that in primary 4,5,6 whenever I prayed at night I felt guilty for not doing what I should or whatever, and promised myself(and Jesus) to be better next day. I guess this is why I could keep my brain fresh all day when I was young.

Now now. As I said, I felt that I became more stupid when comparing with the past.
After lots of thinking, I guess, hopefully, I have not actually become stupid, but that I always waste time on silly things, of which I don't really know what I doing and what for, and then spent less time on THINKING. Without keep-on practising, how am I supposed to be smarter, or simply maintain my intelligence? It's not very likely.

Every night I feel and then have implicit determination to do the 'right things' the next day, but not wasting time.

Yet, take today as an example, I spent the whole morning and afternoon reading chinese 武俠小說. It totally took me more than 6 hours for one day.On the other side, I haven't studied more than half an hour today. Ha, shame on myself.

Okay, so anyway I feel guilty now, which is why I am typing all these, and hope I can do something really meaningful tomorrow, and then I can be more happy if Minnie's really free to have dinner with me. (reli wish she can make it~)

So, to be able to face my hardworking Minnie, I MUST work hard, starting from tomorrow, hopefully it's not too late.

Well, this is how everthing swifts past my head a moment ago.

Last but not least, I wanna speak out my question that is kept in my heart for a couple of days, maybe more.

The question is:

SHOULD WE DO/FOLLOW WHAT WE THINK IS RIGHT, OR INSTEAD, WHAT THE SOCIETY REGARDS AS THE RIGHT THING?

I wish someone can discuss with me. I'm serious.
This question keeps obsessing me.

Cheers,

Kelvin